Tonight I sang in a voice recital at Dixie State College. I've done a lot of recitals at DSC but tonight I sang a song that's particularly special to me: "So Anyway" from the musical Next to Normal.

The performance went beautifully and my wonderful boyfriend recorded it for me to share with the WORLD! <3 So here it is.




I am a total perfectionist - I am NEVER satisfied. But I think that I"m definitely satisfied with this performance. It wasn't absolutely perfect, but it was REAL. Music on CDs, stuff you buy on iTunes - a lot of it is perfect, but it's so engineered in the studio with computers and stuff that it isn't real. My performance was organic...it was definitely real.

And I am very, very happy.

:)

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I know I haven't written for a while. School (both English and music) have been crazy busy. Keeping up can be tough! I'm taking performance opportunities wherever I find them. I'm going to be in the student government show Dixie's Got Talent on Wednesday night. I'm really excited :)

On a sadder note, I found out last Wednesday night that my grandmother died. She was 93 years old, so I was expecting this to happen sometime but it's still really sad. I looked into going to the funeral, but it's a 10 hour drive each way between St. George, Utah, and Los Angeles, California (where my family is and where the funeral is being held) and I can't afford to fly there. I'd also miss two days of school. And my family...let's just say we don't get along very well. There will be like 20 people there at the graveside service and most of us don't like each other.

So I'm going to have to grieve on my own and go to the grave sometime this summer.

It's really hard living out here in St. George. I've never had the tightest family ever. In fact, most of my relatives are dead. My parents didn't have me until my mom was 40 and my dad was 42, and I'm an only child. So a lot of my family members died before I was born or while I was a child. And even before everyone died, my family wasn't very big in the first place. So I've got like five or six family members in California, two in Arizona, some distant cousins in Indiana who I don't really know, and my dad lives in Nevada. There is no one related to me in the entire state of Utah, and my dad's the only person related to me in Nevada.

Family never was the most important thing to me, growing up and afterwards, but out here in Utah everyone has huge families. It's exponential, the growth of families. It's like everyone's related to everyone else, if distantly, in some way or another - except for me. When I tell people that there is no one related to me in the state of Utah, they always ask my last name, and my mother's maiden name, and they never can come up with someone else who has the last name McFarlin (spelled that way) or Hank.

So yeah. It's weird. Family just isn't this important where I come from. And losing my grandmother just highlights what little family I have. Within 20 years, my entire family will probably be dead (a lot of people in my parents' generation didn't have children), and since I can't have kids and don't want kids...I'm the end of the line. It's kind of sad. I'm just glad I came to this realization a long time ago and not just now.

My friend Valerie is having her senior vocal recital tonight at 7:30. I'm excited to go. Hopefully it'll be a good time :)

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Just writing a quick post in between concert choir and musical theatre classes...our choir concert is Friday and Dr. Peterson is really pushing us hard. We're going to do well - but rehearsal has me absolutely exhausted!! Performing is so rewarding but it can be sooooo tiring. :(

I am totally getting food after this class...food will help me so much. :p If I don't get food after this class, I'm going to fall over!

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It's strange - it seems my ankle is recovering faster than my respiratory tract, and I haven't even started physical therapy yet :p

These OTC pills seem to be helping alleviate the symptoms, though. The pharmacist at Target, right by DSC, is awesome :D

I'm having a hard time thinking of things to write about for my creative writing class. I'm tired of writing about events in my life - besides, I've written about all the good ones already. I'm reading in the textbook about what makes a good story and stuff, but I just can't think of anything that will fit in all those parameters!

I'll ask some questions in class tomorrow...I'm sure I'll find some enlightenment there.

The National Association of Teachers of Singing competition (this year, held at Southern Utah University in Cedar City) is approaching *fast.* I have so much practice to do and I haven't been able to do it because of the sickness. But with these pills the pharmacist recommended...I think I'll be okay. I've chosen some very difficult repertoire but it should be good - provided that I am physically able to practice beforehand and actually sing at the competition itself.

And I need to practice now, while I can, but my roommate is on the phone :(

It'll all be fine, sleep will make it all good.

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I'm singing at Unity Church of Positive Living's Christmas Eve service in a couple of hours. I'm singing Not That Far From Bethlehem (from the album A Christmas Story by Point of Grace). My throat hurts, has for a few days, and I haven't been singing any the past few days at all. Hopefully the hot steam of a shower will help my vocal cords.

Usually I really don't like Christmas. But now that I've attached no expectations to it at all, it's looking kind of okay this year.

Yesterday me and dad and my new boyfriend Brandon went to Las Vegas and found out if you give blood you get 2 free tickets to Penn and Teller's show at the Rio. Brandon had given too recently to give again. I have had a problem with needles most of my life but I decided to give.

It's a good thing Brandon was holding my hand and watching me the whole time because I very nearly passed out. I've done that when giving blood before but when I weighed MUCH less than I do now. Since my weight is drastically different now, I guess that's not a factor. Brandon is so appreciative - he has always wanted to see Penn and Teller, I found out, and while giving blood is easy for him and he does it every 6 weeks, he said seeing how incredibly difficult it was for me made it even more special.

I like him :)

So, my itinerary for the next few hours...shower, clean up, make myself look pretty, dress nice, go to Unity, sing, enjoy some of the food afterward, meet Brandon after he gets off work, find out if he wants to go to Mesquite with me to my dad's place tonight, and whether he does or not, I will be down there tonight and into tomorrow anyway. I don't want dad to spend Christmas alone.

So...here I go :)

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Almost done with Christmas music performances, at least - finals are next week!

Today we had two Vocal Jazz Project performances. One was a luncheon in the Gardner Ballroom at DSC, and one was an evening performance at a country club.

When we got to the country club, they didn't have a piano or keyboard for us. Somebody made a phone call and a girl showed up with a keyboard...like a child's keyboard. It was one of those like 66-key models and every time you pressed a white key it lit up with a pink light.

Our pianist, Justin, is an astoundingly talented musician. His performances can be awe-inspiring. So when he was given a keyboard that wasn't long enough, without a sustain pedal, with keys that *lit up pink!!* when he played them...looking back now, several hours later, it was very funny. I'm just glad I wasn't the pianist tonight. I might have cried!

But that's why I sing. I have my instrument with me wherever I go. :)

By the way, the performance went swimmingly and the audience loved us.

According to Dr. Briggs and other people on vocal jazz, my gospel solo is getting better and better. Today, after the country club performance, Al actually told me it was better without the microphone in a room that size (I really belt it out when I don't have to worry about blowing out expensive speakers).

Thursday, I sang my gospel solo in rehearsal. When I was done, Nolan said "Somebody get some chips!" Dr. Briggs was like "...what?" and Nolan continued: "'Cause Tracie's soul is saucy!"

That made me feel good :D

Hopefully I should have some video of Vocal Jazz and Chamber Singers up here soon! The winter choral concert is at DSC tomorrow at 7:30 pm (wait, it's past midnight now, so the concert is actually today...well, Friday, December 11). And then at 9:00 am on Saturday the choir bus leaves for Temple Square in Salt Lake City :D

I've got some friends I'm meeting up with in SLC between performances on Saturday. They're going to watch us sing too! I'm way excited. Unfortunately we can't take photos or recordings of the performances due to copyright regulations...hopefully I'll get some pictures when we're not actually performing. It is going to be so, so cold up there...I think I'll wear leggings under my skirt.

Today was the last day of class for History and Structure of the English Language. (yes, I am an English major, remember?) We broke up into study groups and got our work done quickly. Then we just stayed there in our groups and talked about life and finals and what we think of various authors and poets...when Professor Jantzen realized we weren't working anymore, he reminded us we had permission to leave class early - but we didn't. We're 4-year English majors - we like to just sit and talk about life, school, and literature :)

My dad has to go to California the first week of January to do some consultant work for a friend of his who owns a company. Dad asked me if I want to come along. It'd be nice to see all my friends I went to high school with - well, at least those who are still in the area - but I am so tired right now that I don't know what I'll want to do by January.

I do keep up with a lot of my old friends on facebook. My first boyfriend David, from back in 9th grade, is in medical school at UCLA now - guess I should have kept him, eh? ;) My best friend through high school, Mandie, is an architect at a firm in Rancho Cucamonga. She graduated from Cal Poly Pomona a couple years ago. Heather is in law school. Vinnie works on the cast of the TV show NUMB3RS in Burbank (he got a degree in film at Cal State Fullerton). And after Kristina got a degree in biochemistry at Notre Dame, she went back to California and became a model.

It's kind of strange, looking back at what my friends and I were like in high school and where we are now. I mean, not everyone I graduated with has a great life - there's quite a few single mothers, various people who never went to college, a lot who dropped out of the community college I got my Associate's Degree from.

And yeah...I graduated high school in 2003 and I'm still an undergrad now. But I did change my major halfway through my junior year, after I transferred to Cal State Long Beach. Then I moved out of state. That set me back a lot.

I've been thinking about it all lately...my journey through high school in California, getting my AA three years later, transferring to Cal State, changing my major, dropping out, moving to Nevada, getting accepted to University of Nevada at Las Vegas...and somehow ending up at Dixie State College in St. George, Utah, a place I never thought I'd live, a place I didn't even know existed.

The whole journey has been so chaotic.

But you know what?

I'd never take any of it back.

Dixie State College - the school itself, the English and music programs, the professors and peers I've met, everything - has changed my life irreversibly. For the better. I'm not just learning how to be a professional/technical writer, not just learning how to perform and sing more effectively...I've learned and am continuing to learn life lessons that will serve me well for the rest of my life - lessons that are serving me even now.

I could have stayed at Cal State Long Beach. I could have gone to University of Nevada at Las Vegas. But all I would have gotten there was a degree. I mean, getting a bachelor's degree - that's why I'm in college, of course.

But at DSC I've learned so much more than the material taught in my classes. I'm going to leave DSC with a Bachelor of Science in hand - but that won't be all. I'll carry what I've learned about life, carry the kindness of my professors, carry the shared experiences with my peers in my heart for the rest of my life.

My father has always told me: "An education is something no one can ever take away from you."

I know that when he's said that he's just been talking about achieving academic degrees.

But now I see a depth to his words that even he is probably still unaware of.

I've grown so much at DSC. And I'm not done yet.

Right now? I'm tired. I've been performing every day, doing homework, going to all my classes, etc...and when I finish this I am going to fall into bed and sleep.

But despite my exhaustion, I am so incredibly excited. Not just for tomorrow and the day after - but for my next two semesters at Dixie as well. I've learned so much. I'm going to learn even more before I'm through.

- Tracie

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So yesterday was my birthday...wasn't the best birthday I've ever had but wasn't the worst. I'll take what I can get :)

Tonight we had another Vocal Jazz Project performance. This one was at the Stephen Wade Chevy/Cadillac dealer. Tomorrow we have two more VJP performances - one luncheon and one evening performance. Then Friday is the choir concert (all the choirs) and Saturday we're going to Temple Square! Then finals on Monday ><

I'm kind of sad the performance season is almost over. For some reason I didn't really get into it, emotionally or whatnot, till a couple days ago. Getting a solo helped, of course - I've never sung gospel before but everybody loves it when I do it :D

I'm going to try to go to bed a little earlier tonight (before midnight :p). It'd be nice to get more sleep. I'm going to need to be wide awake tomorrow.

But first...dinner.

- Tracie

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Tonight (or, rather, last night, as it's past midnight) the DSC music department held the last Student Vocal Recital of the Fall 2009 semester. I love having the opportunity to perform, especially solo, so recitals are really special to me.

I sang a song called I Miss the Mountains from the musical Next to Normal. I've got video up:



I hope that works!

I got some pictures afterward too.



Left to Right: Dr. Ken Peterson, the Director of Vocal Studies and my voice teacher, me, and Aaron, one of our music majors and an absolutely fabulous tenor.



The foyer of the Eccles Fine Arts building is gorgeous. I'm actually in the hanging on the left!



This is me and my friend Rita, who came to see me sing. Rita has all-but-officially adopted me as her granddaughter. I love her muchly! :D

Altogether, a great night. I've got another performance with the Chamber Singers today (Saturday), and then I'm singing at the service of Unity Church of Positive Living on Sunday morning. The DSC choral concert is on Friday, and then on Saturday we're going to go sing at Temple Square in Salt Lake City!

I really love how DSC supports the arts. Our musicals are always awesome, the art gallery is positively gorgeous, and the music program is really blossoming.

DSC was just recently accredited to award 4-year degrees in music. When the approval was finally announced, everyone was so excited. I'm not pursuing a music degree, personally, though I was a music education major at Cal State (before I transferred to DSC). But I'm still so happy that we got a music degree.

In the year and a half I've been here, the college has grown so much and continues to do so before my very eyes. And the fact that I can take such an active role in the music program, even though I'm an English major, is such a blessing in my life.

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So today, as I mentioned, we had a luncheon performance for the Chamber Singers and an evening performance with the Vocal Jazz Project.

Unfortunately, I got to the Chamber Singers performance barely on time and didn't have a lot of time to take pictures. But here's a good one:



That's Al with some lovely Chamber Singer ladies :D Al is totally awesome. He's one of our best basses!

Here's another shot from after the Vocal Jazz Project performance (at a faculty party of an elementary school in town):



Much fun was had by all, of course. :D

- Tracie

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Performances! Lots of them. Tomorrow, a performance with the Dixie State chamber singers at a luncheon on campus, then a Vocal Jazz Project performance in the evening at a school, I think? I'll find out tomorrow in class, lol.

I really don't like the Christmas season, generally, but I do like the opportunities to perform. There are more performance opportunities this time of year than any other. The only drawback is that our repertoire is almost entirely made up of Christmas songs. I guess you could call that an occupational hazard ;)

Friday at 7:30 I'm singing in the winter voice recital at DSC. I'm singing a song from the musical Next to Normal (it's still on Broadway and won a few Tony awards). The song is called "I Miss the Mountains." Today in my voice lesson my voice teacher, Ken, watched and listened to me sing it and was very very happy. He had "nothing to say" - which means, nothing needs to be fixed. Yay!

Then Saturday the chamber singers are singing at Pine Valley, which is a place I've never been before. I hear it's very pretty. And then on December 12 (the day after our winter choral concert at DSC), the chamber singers, concert choir, and women's choir are going up to Salt Lake City to sing at a place called Temple Square.

Temple Square, I'm told, is a really special place for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I've never been to there, but I've heard that they decorate the area with lights at Christmas and that it's absolutely gorgeous. I'm looking forward to seeing it and singing at a new venue. Well, new to me, at least - I think that most of the people I'm singing with have been there before.

I'm still researching grad schools, of course. For a long time, my first choice has been University of Nevada, Reno, but University of New Mexico in Albuquerque is starting to look really appealing. They have a Master of Arts in English with a Rhetoric/Professional Writing emphasis. They also have a Creative Writing emphasis available, which is good.

I want to be - I will be - a best-selling author, but until I make it big, I need to be able to support myself. While I'd love to pursue one, a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing isn't exactly the sort of degree employers are looking for. So I'm looking to earn a professional writing-esque Master's so I can get a job - and fill out my grad school electives and such with creative writing courses.

Until then, I'm focused on graduating from DSC! Spring 2010, here I come :D

- Tracie

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